Trint and I went to visit my sister a couple weekends ago, her nephew Gavin was staying with her. He is an adorable, sweet, fun 3 year old boy. Let me rewind a bit......Trint and I found out at the end of 2009 that we cannot have kids. Now normally that would not be a problem as we didn't want children.
Here is the whole story: Trint and I started thinking about trying to have a child last summer and started....well.....trying ;) still at this point I was scared to death and every month my cycle would be 10-15 days late, giving me ample time to freak out and reconsider our decision to have a kid and change my mind and reconsider and change my mind. We are pretty impatient so after 3 or 4 months of trying with no luck we went to have Trint checked out and got the news that he would not be able to have children. Well of course being a people that want what we can't have (even when you adamantly didn't want one for 5 years), that made me want a baby even more! I think the news hurt Trint (well duh it did) but I think it just made him not want children at all. We never spoke about his inability to have children...I didn't want to hurt his feelings and he didn't want to talk about it. Well a couple months ago, after spending the weekend with my sisters twins we talked about it. Trint started doing some research into adoption, but Trint is a felon so we were told that we could not adopt. We found, well they almost found us, but anyways an adoption consultant who said that is a bunch of crap (paraphrase) and said if we wanted to talk about options to call her. Just then my sister has her nephew Gavin staying with her. Now Gavin is her sisters son and he is 1 of 5 children that her sister has. Gavin does not live with him mommy, he lives with his grandma. My sister mentioned that maybe we could see if Cara would let us adopt him. We drove down to see him, and I fell in love! Now everyday I keep telling myself that he is not up for adoption and that I cannot get attached to him. Well that was good in theory but every time I look at his picture I cry, leading to this blog. I was looking through my sisters pics of him tonight and found my self crying at the computer. I want this little boy. It is very unlikely that his mother is just going to give up parental rights to him and his daddy just found out that he was a daddy about 2 weeks ago, so he would have to give up rights also. See my dilemma. Now I love this boy that I have met once and don't know how to un attach my emotions from him because I had almost convinced myself that we could adopt him. I don't know what to do!
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