Its on!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a message from Deb last night that she contacted Gavin's dad and he is agreeable to the adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is the last piece to this puzzle, now it is just the home study and he is ours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His dad said that event though he has not met him, he thinks about him every day. That is really sweet. He said he know that this is what is best for him.

I think it is amazing that 2 young people can look beyond selfish motives and reputation and think about what is best for Gavin. He deserves to be raised by two loving parents and I thank you Lord for letting them see that. I thank you Jesus for giving us this little precious 3 1/2 year old gift. We know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have set this thing up from the foundations!!!!!!!! You designed him to be ours, but because Trint cant have kids you gave him to us in a very unconventional way. Thank you Jesus!!!!!!

The last week

Well hey there, long time no blog ;) Blogging is not really easy with a 3 1/2 year old running your house ;) Actually I don't even try, I would much rather spend time with him, so now I am up at 6:30 on my day off cause he sleeps till like 9 or 10 and now I can get some stuff written down. We have had him for a week now and it has been great. I am going to fit a weeks worth of stuff in this blog so it may be lengthy but will be good. Let me say first off that we have had him about a week and have spend buku bucks already. hahahaha go figure. He is all stocked up on toys, Trint wanted to buy him new clothes, pretty much anything the kid wants he gets. Now I am trying to find a car bed for him so I can do his room. Lets see here, he is so stinkin sweet you can't help but just grin at him. We have had naughty spells, believe me it has not all been a bed of roses, but we are setting boundaries and learning what he reacts well too. He does good with counting to 3 and if we make it to 3 and he has not stopped he get a time out. Usually only take a 1 count. He has made friends already. He stays with Jacob during the day cause Robin is watching him for me while I am at work and they get along really well. He met Tuckie and Hunter the other day and they both really liked him, he had to sit between them at dinner cause they both wanted to sit by him. He met Gunner and they got along really well too. Isaac and Beth came over last night and Brought the girls and he was amazing with them, I can see him and Sophia getting into trouble together, he would do something and she would explain it away for him ;) Hopefully this weekend he can meet Rachel and they will be friends. He has had a busy week, lots of swimming, sprinklers, shopping, and meeting new friends. Today I am taking him to the rocket ship (his term, actually my office building in downtown des moines, it is the tallest building in DM and he thinks its a rocket ship ;)) The dogs are still getting used to him, he does not know how to be gentle cause at grandmas he has a big dog that he can rough house with, so the boys get mad at him a lot. hahahahahaha. We have quite a few times during the day when he has naughty spells, when you can just tell that no matter the consequence, he just wants to be naughty. We have to shut him down right away or it gets worse. We also think he is hyper sensitive to sugar cause he tends to get crazy and naughty right after candy or juice. Looks like I have to find snacks and drinks that are sugar free.

Um did I mention that he sleeps in till like 9 or 10. We don't actually know when because we have had to wake him up at 9 to go to church.....um....hello....could the Lord have picked a better kid for me, mrs loves to sleep in? 9 or 10 for a 3 year old are you kidding me. THANK YOU JESUS. I am going to get all our pics from this week uploaded soon :)

Dreams do come true

I woke up yesterday morning with this overwhelming feeling that I needed to back my heart off this situation because I felt like I was going to get hurt. Neither my sister or I had heard from Deb and I felt like maybe Cara was going to start doing right by Gavin and I was not going to get him. I was crying because my heart hurts so bad in not knowing how this is going to turn out. I absolutely cannot turn off my feeling for Gavin, I am already to far along in this process. I felt in that moment like if I can't have Gavin, I don't know that I want to try to adopt another child. I don't just want any child, I want him. I told my sister that and told her that she needed to talk to Deb when she got there to drop Gavin off cause I cannot go on if they are changing their minds about letting us adopt him. Well Amy called me a couple hours later and asked if we wanted to take Gavin for 2 weeks. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah duh!!! I was frantic like what is going on. She told me that Tim and Deb told her that they want us to have him, they know it is what is best for him and tey told Cara that morning that she needed to call Brian and tell him what is going on. Cara packed all of her stuff and is moving away. She knows that she cannot provide the life for Gavin that he deserves and so as long as we do not cut her completely out of his life she is willing to let us adopt him. Tim and Deb are such good grandparents. I cannot imagine how they feel trying to make a decision like this. They love him so much and want what is best for him and know that he needs young parents. I know this is not easy but I think it helps that we are all connected. Tim then called me at work and I could not talk so I was crawling out of my skin the last couple of hours at work. I could not wait to get oof work and hear what he had to say. We connected later that night and we had a great talk. He told me that they really like us and know that we will be great parents for Gavin. He said when we went there last weekend and he actually saw us with him, he knew that they are making the right decision. He said they want him to get aclimated to us and so we are taknig him for 2 weeks and he said that after that if we are all ready to move forward they will start the legal process. I was crying and shaking and so excited I could barely contain myself. Trint was running around the house jumping in the air kicking his heels together :) We started talking about furnishing his bedroom and getting him toys and a pool and a bike. This is going to be one spoiled boy!!!!! We takled to Amy and Trint was going to go pick him up on Friday after work. Well we decided we could not wait that long so Trint took thursday and Friday off work and left at 10 am this morning to go get him :) I can't believe I am at work, I am not getting anything accomplished, I am worthless here. I told Trint he needs to bring him straight to my work when he gets in town. I announced to my office and emailed pics of him to everyone. We have the absolute most amazing friends and family!!!!! There are so many people who are jsut as wrapped up in this as we are. People are already telling us they want to be his godparent and they alll want to meet him right when he gets to town ;) Thank You Amy, Danny & Robin, Andy & Kari, Brian & Amanda, Matt & Laura, Ashley, Chad, Natter, Rowe's, Schroeders (all of you), Pike's, Seitz's, Tonja, Mom & Randy, Dad & Janice, Geri, Stephannie, Leah & Anthony, Carri, Terra, Jill, Judy, Shannon, Susie, all the girls at RHI WDM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys will never know how much it means to us that you have been praying for us. I love you ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much Tim and Deb for giving us the opportunity to raise your grandson, I promise you with every ounce of me that you will not regret this decision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The BIG Meeting

Well Trint and I just got home from Grand Island, again.....this is becoming a regular trip for us. We had to leave his bike there over the 4th cause it was storming when we were gonna come home so we went this weekend to pick it up. Last week I decided to write Deb and let her know that we would be coming to town in case she wanted to meet up or something. Well she responded with a "yes", YEAH!!!!!! She invited us and the pups over to her house Saturday night. I have been really excited for this, not only to meet her so we can exchange thoughts on this whole situation but also to see Little man Gavin ;) So we anxiously awaited 7 pm Saturday night and went over there. It was great, we chatted and got to know each other, and Gavin remembered us. We did not however talk at all about us adopting Gavin. It was a little weird but it was still a really nice visit. Now the boys (Joey and Stuie) were not their normal selves. Stuie is normally the one who we can depend on to be good with kids and play nice and Joey is the one we always have to watch to make sure he doesn't throw a mini fit and pretend to bite someone. Well Deb and Tim have a bigger dog so that automatically threw Stuie off his game. He was a mad man!!! He was growling the whole time and anytime Gavin would try to pet him he would snarl and go for his hand. Joey on the other hand, the one who hates kids and avoids them at any cost was being such a sweetie!!! He would let Gavin pet him (and he was not real gentle as most 3 1/2 yr old boys aren't) and would just sit there and take it. Gavin grabbed his ear and just held it while he was watching tv, held it like he was holding my finger or something for minutes and Joey didn't try once to get away from him, it was precious. Well I got the idea that Gavin could bribe Stuie to like him by giving him some snacks. An entire bag of beggin strips later I think Stuie decided that he was ok ;) He was still a little growley but it was good. Gavin would look at Joey and say "Joey good", then look at stuie and say "he naunie" it was funny. Gavin did kick Joey once but all in all it was a good night for Gav and Jo. Now on to Gavin......OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH He is so stinking sweet. Seeing him and how cute he is and how sweet he is just solidified again in my heart how much I want him!! Tim told us he is a natural athlete, which tugged Trint's heart strings. He said he took Gavin to a track and he ran an entire lap without stopping once, that's nuts!!! A 3 year old ran a quarter of a mile without stopping, and they said he was fast. He hugged us when we went to leave and I almost cried, I didn't want to leave without him :'(

Lord I ask that your will, not mine or Deb's or Cara's or Amy's would, would be done. You know what is best for Gavin, so open and close doors so that he can be right where you want him. So that he can grow up happy and loved and fulfilled and be the man that you have created him to be. And Lord I know you know what is best for me, so please let your will be done in my life also. Lord I am begging you, please let me have Gavin!!!! But since I am praying for your will, there is always a chance that he is not supposed to be with us ( I hope not but...) and if that how this is going to go down, I need you right now in this very hour to start preparing my heart for that, because if you don't I know I will not come out of this on the up side. Thinking about it makes me sick. It could literally be my demise. I have literally every emotion I possess wrapped up in and around him. But no matter how I feel, deep down in my heart of hearts, I just want what is best for him, even if that is not us (although I don't honestly see how we are not ;) )

OK so now I am going to get our home study started and we will see where we need to go from here.

Oh yeah one more thing. My sister talked to Deb today and she said that Deb told her that Gavin woke up this morning and was either asking for us or about us :)

I need you Lord

Driving to work this morning I started to get this overwhelming sense of doom, and began getting sick to my stomach. It is the day for me to call 2 contacts I have for home studies, and thinking about them and Trinity's felony is apparently too much for me today. What if they say that we cannot adopt him? What does that look like? Does it go into a statewide database saying we are unfit parents, or can we just go to someone else and get another one in the hopes that they will make a different decision? I am so happy from the conversation Amy had with Deb yesterday that I could throw up and I am so nervous about the homestudy that I could throw up!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

OK so I went to lunch and called Carla and Ed (they do homestudies), they were both very very nice and both are very reasonably priced, cheap in fact compared to the typical cost of a home study. I was very upfront and told them both off the bat that Trint has a felony Assault conviction and explained the circumstances surrounding the conviction. They both said they have seen that before and it probably would not affect their decision, but they will have to look into it further. Whewwwwww!!! That was a load off of my chest! I asked them if they were certified/licensed to do home studies where the child is in a different state than the adoptive parents and they both are so that is great too. Ed said it will probably take 30-40 days for him to write our study. We have to send our fingerprints into the FBI, run background checks and send them to the state for approval on the felony, and then we will meet with them a couple times so they can get to know us. Lord I just ask for your favor!!! That you would go before us and prepare the hearts off all individuals involved in this process, from Cara, Gavin, Deb and Tim to the judges, attorneys, our families, whomever does the home study, and us. Lord I ask for the Spirit of Adoption to settle on Gavin and prepare him for this big life change and that he would naturally become our son. That he would feel safe and secure and he would know deep in his heart that he is loved beyond words and would be happy to call us Mommy and Daddy. I speak out against any plot of the enemy to stand in the way of the plans of the Lord. Thank you Jesus for letting this dream be fulfilled, not just for Trint and I but for Gavin. I ask that you make Trint and I the most caring, loving, involved, energetic, unselfish parents ever!!!

AMEN!!!!!!

God is setting this up

My sister called me while I was out to lunch and said "Do you want me to tell you now, or should it be a surprise?" I was like WHAT?!?!?!?!? What surprise, no surprise, what are you talking about?!?!?!?! She started crying and said that she thinks we are going to get Gavin soon! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? She said she spoke with Deb and she said that she talked to Tim and they both agree that it is not fair that Gavin does not have a mommy and a daddy and that they want him to be happy and want the cycle of moving him from here to there back here then there to stop. Amy said that Deb was crying and told her that when she looked at the pictures of us on my facebook page from Africa with all the children that was a turning point for her. I was in such shock, I was at Applebee's trying to keep from loosing it, sitting across the table from Robin who was trying to keep from loosing it so it was not all sinking in. After I got home I had to call her back and have her repeat the entire conversation.

Lord Jesus I just want to thank you for hearing my cries and answering my prayers. I ask that you would continue to open doors and let this dream be brought to fruition. That by this time next year, Gavin would be OUR SON. Amen

Lord help u to raise this little man to be an amazing Godly Son of the Most High. That you would equip us with everything we need to raise him in Your ways and to love him more than ourselves. I want to give him everything!!!! I want him to know that he is not going anywhere, that we are going to love him forever, that he is completely safe and secure with us, I want him to call us mommy and daddy, I want him to be healed, through our love and time and with Jesus help, of any emotional scars he has. That through us taking him in and loving him he would be healed of that stuff and be able to grow up happy and healthy!!!

Thanks you Thank you Thank you JESUS!!!!!

4th of July Weekend

OK so I did not hear back from Deb by the time I left Des Moines for Grand Island on Friday night. I literally refreshed my facebook page every 5 minutes the entire 4 hour trip to Grand Island hoping that she would write and let me know when we could meet up. She did not write during that time, so I continued checking it all of Friday night Saturday. Finally I got a message from her....yes yes yes yes yes.....dang!!!! It said that she was sorry but they had too much going on for the holiday weekend to be able to meet us and to let her know the next time we would be in town. Bummer!!!!!!! Really the only thing that kept me going was knowing that he was going to be coming out to our house for 4 days at the end of the month...Yeah!!!

Deb and I finally connect

Amy called me at work on Yesterday to tell me that she spoke with Deb to see about a time to meet up and Deb was going to get back with her. She said she asked her if she had messaged me on Facebook yet. Deb told her no, she told her that she does not know what to say to me. Amy told her that is the same way I feel. So after work I decided since we both just simply don't know what to say to each other that I was going to write her. I wrote this bit thing telling her how I feel and Trint and my story then decided that it may be too much for our first conversation, so I deleted it all and just:

Hi Deb
I know that we do not know each other and neither of us really know what to say, but I just wanted to at least say hi. Amy told me that she talked to you today about maybe us meeting this weekend in GI since we will be home. There is no pressure to meet us, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything! I just kind of wanted to get with you to see how you feel about all of this, and so you could meet us and sort of see what we are about. I thought maybe we could just meet at a park or something, as we will have the dogs, then Gavin could play and swing and we could chat. Anyways if that is something you want to or are willing to do you can either respond to this message or call me or let Amy know.
Sincerely
Tracy

Much to my surprise she wrote me back fifteen minutes later and said:

Hi Tracy
Thanks for the message, I would love to meet with you guys but I'll have to see what's going on this weekend first. I'll be in touch with you some how. I looked at your photo's and was so impressed with your mission to Africa...it truly touched my heart, it says a lot about both of you, just wanted you to know that. I'll get a hold of you soon. Take care!

Well needless to say, her and I exchanged messages for the next 3 hours, she said that she noticed that I am friends with Keith Buswell on Facebook and that he is her step son. That is so CRAZY!!!! He is one of my really good friends from high school!!!! Like we were together a lot!!! I have known him since 4th grade!!! I am totally tripping out right now!!! It is such a small world! She told me that she would check out her plans and let me know a time we could meet up. Can you say HAPPY!!!

This just keeps getting crazier

So I have been pestering my sister because she is the go between for Deb and I. I was really hoping to be able to meet Deb this weekend and see Gavin. I would like to meet her face to face. I want to hear from her perspective how she feels about this whole situation, and I want her to be able to meet us and see what we are about. I really don't know what to say to her? Do I just throw it all up?????? Certainly not, she would think I am nuts!!! That would consist of me telling her how much I love this little man who I have only known exists for about 2 months now and only spent like 9 hours with personally. There would be rivers of tears and mountains of emotions. But I also feel like that is what is real. I want her to see that I am not just interested in adopting Gavin because I can't have kids, but rather because The Lord has connected my heart with him. He has woven my emotions in his well being and his right to have a mommy and a daddy that can spoil him and lavish him in all the love and time 3 year old little boys are supposed to get. That even if we couldn't have him, my heart will not rest until he has everything he deserves, until he can love freely and greatly, until he knows stability and safety, until he knows that there are people in this world that would pay any amount, go any distance, do anything to make him safe, to love him, to care for him, and to be with him. It is only in the last 2 weeks that I can even say his name or have a fleeting thought of him without completely loosing it. Do you know how hard it is to drive to work when you cannot see the road for the tears that are uncontrollably pouring from your eyes? How hard it is to pretend that everything is ok when your mind is consumed with thoughts of what your life will be like if you get the opportunity to raise this beautiful little man? To already have everything picked out that you will need to outfit him his own room with spongebob beds, blankies and wall decor? I feel like if people knew this they would think I was crazy!!! I literally cannot help it. If I had my choice and I know for sure that she would not write me off as a lunatic, this is exactly what I would tell her.

So anyways back to the story, I have been waiting for my sister to set up a meeting with Deb, Trint, and I this weekend. She did finally get a hold of her and Deb is figuring out if and when would be the best time to meet. Deb also said that she asked Gavin if my husbands name was Terry, and he said no, then she asked if his name was Trinity and he said yea, triny. So he remembers us!!!!